Hi Mom, it's Lance
by Lady Jaye1
Summary: Story takes place after GI Joe RAH #100. Clutch struggles to come to terms with his brainwashing from the Brainwave Scanner.


_Disclaimer: I don't own GI Joe. _

_The story below takes place after GI Joe: Real American Hero story arc where Clutch and Rock N Roll were brainwashed by Cobra. I wrote it because there was never any follow up in the comics with regards to their experience in the Brainwave Scanner. This story does deal with PTSD as a result of the brainwashing, so you have been warned.  
_

**Hi Mom, it's Lance**

_Hi Mom, it's Lance…_

_Sorry I haven't called. Things have been crazy lately. I got brainwashed by some terrorist bikers and tried to murder a couple of kids._

Clutch scribbled over the lines with his pen. He pushed down so hard with the tip that it tore the paper. He stared down at the sheet of paper, which contained numerous lines that had also been crossed out. He turned his gaze on the pile of unanswered letters that his parents had sent him. The GI Joe mechanic picked up the newest one.

_Hi sweetie,_

_Please call or mail us back soon. We're getting worried. Your father contacted our senator to get in touch with you and we were assured that you are fine. Your Uncle Arnie is worried about you too…_

Lance Steinburg, AKA Clutch, skipped down to the end of the letter to where it said _"Love, Mom." _Clutch put down the letter and made another attempt at writing back to his parents.

_Hi Mom, it's Lance._

_Sorry I haven't called. By the way, who's Uncle Arnie? I don't remember some things very well anymore. _

Clutch crumpled up the piece of paper and threw it at the wall of his room. He threw the pen next, which bounced off the wall and landed near a dirty boot. Lance closed his eyes and suppressed a shudder. It had been months since he and Rock N Roll had been prisoners of Zarana. It had been nearly two months since the Joes had discovered that they had been brainwashed. Psyche Out had been helping them to sort out the damage ever since.

_The restraints held him too tightly. He couldn't move and Clutch struggled to breathe. Nearby, he could hear Rock N Roll gasping for air. An all too familiar female face, with a shock of pink hair, leered at them. The four eyed bitch known as the Baroness stood next to her._

He rubbed at his temples and forced himself to take several deep breaths. Clutch stared dully at the wall for several long moments, grateful that his roommate was on duty. Finally, he forced himself to get out of bed and pick up the pen. He was on duty in about thirty minutes and the letter wouldn't write itself.

_Hi Mom, it's Lance._

_They took my memories, Mom. And they put new ones in and I couldn't stop them. I still open my closet expecting to find Crimson Guardsman uniforms in there. It's confusing, but it feels like it's wrong that they're not there. I don't know what to do, Mom. I don't even know which memories they took. Do you even know who the Crimson Guard is? They're bad guys._

_Who's Uncle Arnie?_

Clutch tore up the letter into tiny fragments. He paced the confines of his room. Psyche Out had told him that it was normal to be confused, that it was normal to still have trauma. The shrink had encouraged him to write as a way to help work his way through the PTSD. Hawk had also encouraged him to contact his family.

But what exactly could he tell his family? Everything was classified. And even if it wasn't, how exactly did he look at his parents and go "Hi. They strapped me down and I couldn't do anything. Is mental rape even a thing? Because that's what it feels like they did to me. Oh, and I tried to kill two teenage girls."

Clutch didn't even know which memories he could trust. That was the insidious thing. Zarana hadn't altered all of his memories. She had left many of his genuine memories alone. There was no telling what she had destroyed. He had been violated in a way that was hard to describe. Lance still woke up from the occasional nightmare. Last night's in particular had been disturbing.

_His arms and legs were tied down and he couldn't move. Zarana straddled him and began to remove his clothing one piece at a time. Clutch tried to tell her to stop, but she ignored him. She pulled off his shirt to reveal a Crimson Guard uniform. The Dreadnok laughed at him the entire time._

Rock N Roll understood how he felt. The ex-surfer had been an equal victim of the Brainwave Scanner.

The GI Joe mechanic stared down at the shredded bits of paper. He sighed and picked up the notebook again. Clutch turned to a blank page and made another attempt.

_Hi Mom,_

_It's Lance. I haven't called because I don't want you to know what happened. I don't even remember who Uncle Arnie is, but I remember going to terrorist rallies as a teenager. That didn't happen, right? That's what our shrink says._

_What if I say something that spooks you? I don't want to scare you. I really don't remember. That's why I haven't called._

_Mom…who did I date in high school? Because the girl I remember dating never existed. Psyche Out pulled my high school roster and I never had a classmate named Wendy. She wore an ARBCO cheerleader outfit._

Clutch ripped the letter out from the notebook and crumpled it up. He looked at his watch. It was almost time for him to leave for duty. He would have to finish the letter later. Lance looked at the shredded remains of his letters. The last thing he wanted was for his roommate to possibly snoop and read them. Lance silently gathered up the bits of paper and threw them in the trash can. He then tied up the bag and resolved to burn it later.

_Hi Mom,_ he thought. _It's Lance. Listen…I'll try again later. I know you're worried._

He laced up his boots and braced himself. Clutch took a few deep breaths and then plastered a fake grin onto his face. He opened the door and sauntered lazily out, as if he didn't have a care in the world.

* * *

_Author's note:_ _There are several references in here to the GI Joe: Real American Hero issue entitled "No Simple Solution." In this issue, we see Zarana destroying a few of Clutch's memories, including memories of his Uncle Arnie, his high school girlfriend and prom date, and his favorite childhood toy. Zarana also replaced a few of Clutch's memories with altered ones, such as a closet full of Crimson Guard uniforms._


End file.
